Saturday, September 16, 2006

WoT review


War on Terror
A Review of Work Performed, September 2006

I. Update

1) There are 140,000 American young men and women fighting in Iraq and 19,000 fighting in Afghanistan. President Bush claims the period of "employment" for these men and women will not end any time soon and that it will be up to future leaders to finish the job he has begun.

2) Osama bin Laden has recovered from kidney troubles and is up and moving about again in the undisturbed climes of a place called Waziristan on the Pakistan border. He reportedly holds meetings in the oak-forested Waziristan hills with members of the regrouped and expanding Taliban. A Senior White House official reports specualtion among Bush advisors that Bin Laden has employed an ancient Oriental cloaking spell to hide all of Waziristan from the President and from U.S. spy and war technologies.

3) War on Terror-partner Pakistan has announced its complete resignation in the matter of policing the stretches of its border that include darkened Warziristan.

4) British partners in the reignited Afghan theater of the War on Terror submitted harrowing reports this week, including one from Helmand Province, where a British battalion found itself unexpectedly fighting insurgents as part of its goodwill mission to begin reconstruction in the area: "We are flattening places we have already flattened, but the attacks have kept coming. We have killed them by the dozens, but more keep coming. We have used B1 bombers, Harriers, F-16s and Mirage 2000s. We have dropped 500lb, 1,000lb and even 2,000lb bombs. At one point our Apaches helicopters ran out of missiles because they had fired so many. Almost any movement on the ground gets ambushed."

5) The War on Terror operation in Iraq, meantime, is seen in all corners-- with one notable exception-- as a steaming mess of reeking quagmire. This week 's serving came with an escalation of violence and a higher-than-the-usual-high-number of shot and bombed people.

II. Summary and Findings

1) The primary goals of Phase One of the War on Terror included (a) killing or capturing Osama bin Laden, (b) destroying al Qaeda, and (c) taking control of Afghanistan and Iraq.

2) A fair assessment on the progress made so far on Phase One is: not so good, poor. Look in the coming weeks, however, for additional and probably sunnier reports on the progress of Phase One from the leaders of the War on Terror, who will be in the possession of information and facts vital to an overall assessment but also unfortunately unavailable to non security-cleared analysts and voters.

3) Happily, Phase Two of the War on Terror is less ambitious, amounting merely to regime change in North Korea and Iran and the creation of a pro-American, Israel-friendly, democratic but not-too-democratic, endlessly oil-supplying Greater Middle East.

III. Conclusions and Recommendations

1) Aaaahhhh! This plan totally sucks! Who do we call to cancel this work-order and receive a complete refund!

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